


Sometimes I Hate It That You Know Me So Well

by Teeelsie



Series: Shocks of Adversity 'Verse [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: 5x07, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode 100, Episode Related, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 16:11:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2587718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teeelsie/pseuds/Teeelsie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny knows there's more to it - more than Steve told in the 'official' story.  Now he just has to wait for Steve to be ready to tell him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes I Hate It That You Know Me So Well

**Author's Note:**

> Hmmmm… got a little spark for this story after Ep 100… but in my mind, I couldn’t get the boys in this story out of the Shocks of Adversity ‘verse – so let’s all pretend that this fic can fit into the timeline established in that story… in other words, just don’t think about that, OK? Work with me! (I keep saying that, don’t I?)

 

 

 

Steve and Danny sit by the water sipping Longboards. It’s been 8 days since the ordeal with Wo Fat, and Steve is finally starting to get back to his old self. He spent a couple days in the hospital and then came home, but he’s not been back to work yet – soon, though – in another day or two, probably. Physically, he’s largely recovered. The doctors were most worried about the repeated electric shocks and the effect they might have had on his heart, but tests in the hospital and subsequent out-patient visits have shown that everything seems fine.

 

Emotionally, he’s getting better too. Danny stayed with him every minute in the hospital, and after the initial shock wore off and he got a good night’s sleep, he seemed much better-balanced and clear-headed, though quiet. Danny knows that there’s more to what happened than Steve has been telling, but he also knows not to push too hard to get the answers.   He knows Steve – knows his moods and what they mean. And what this recent silence means is that he is processing – turning things over in his mind and working through them. He’s getting ready to talk, though, Danny can tell: Steve’s eyes seek his out more often; he’s been more tactile; he is startled out of his thoughts less often. These are all signs, Danny knows, that mean Steve is ready to stop holding whatever it is so tightly to himself, and is on the verge of opening up.

 

So Danny waits… he waits for Steve to start the ball rolling, but for the moment, it’s really pleasant to just sit in the warmth and watch the sunset together.

 

“You ever wonder where you’d be if you hadn’t met me? If I hadn’t forced you into joining 5-O?” Steve asks, out of the blue.

 

‘OK, here we go’, Danny thinks. “Uh, Yeah – I have, actually…”

 

There is silence while Steve waits for Danny to continue the thought. Danny knows he has to talk now… if Steve is ready to do this, then Danny has to do his part. This is a surprising question, though, and it’s forcing him to go to a place he doesn’t particularly want to go. But, fair is fair, he supposes; if Steve is going to open up to him, then Danny has to be prepared to do the same.

 

“I’d probably be dead, I guess.”

 

“What…?” That catches Steve off guard. He had been thinking just the opposite – that instead, Danny’s life would have been without the many dangers that Steve seems to bring along with him. “Danny?  What do you mean?”

 

“Well, Meka and I were partners. We would have been working that case together… if we got close, they probably would have killed us both. I’ve had a few nightmares about Grace seeing me in the bottom of a luau pit, let me tell you…”

 

“Jesus – Danny – I’ve never thought about that…” He looks out at the water considering what his partner has just said. “Do you really think that?” He asks as he turns an uncomfortable expression back toward his partner.

 

“Yeah, kinda… It makes me feel pretty shitty to be so thankful that you came along and saved me from Meka’s fate.” Danny takes a long pull from his Longboard.

 

“Danny…“

 

“No – don’t worry about it – it’s fine. I mean, we can’t _really_ know what would have happened – maybe things would have been different.   Why are you asking about that anyway?” Danny is suddenly a bit uneasy – it’s just occurring to him that, given everything that’s happened recently, it’s a slightly morbid line of questioning.

 

“No reason. Just… when I was… there… with Wo Fat. I kept having these dreams – of a different life. Where my father didn’t die, and you were … happy…”

 

“I’m happy now,” Danny replies emphatically.

 

“I know – but I mean, you were happy, here, before you met me. You were still with Rachel, and you moved here voluntarily, and you liked Hawaii. You were just…happy.”

 

“Without you?”

 

“Well, yeah, I guess… I mean, I was there, but it was different.”

 

“Babe, it was a dream – or a hallucination – I’ve never been happier than I am here with you…now. And for the record, this… us…” He waves his hand between the two of them. “…gives me a different perspective - Hawaii is starting to grow on me a little.”

 

“Hey, wait, I think I’m still hallucinating…” Steve laughs, teasing Danny.

 

“Shut it!” Danny snaps, with false anger, and a smile in his eyes.

 

They sit in comfortable silence for a while, until Danny takes a deep breath and forges ahead.

 

“So, are you ready to tell me what Wo Fat said?”

 

”What do you mean?” Steve asks after a beat. “You were there when I gave my statement.”

 

“Yes, I was, but I’ve had the feeling that maybe there is more to it than what you said on the record.” Danny leaves it at that, not pushing any further.

 

Steve looks out at the water. After a couple of moments, he sighs. “How do you know me so well?”

 

Danny smiles and shrugs his shoulders. “Was it about Doris?”

 

Steve lets out a brittle laugh. “You should be a cop…”

 

Danny doesn’t say anything for a while and they both sip on their beers.

 

Eventually, Danny presses on. “What did he say?”

 

Steve takes a deep breath. “He said she was his mother.”

 

“What? Steve, we both know that’s bullshit! Max ran the DNA and DNA doesn’t lie.”

 

“I told him that.”

 

“And?”

 

“And he said that after she accidently killed his mother, Doris was so guilt-ridden, that she took him in and raised him as her own.”  

 

“Do you believe him?”

 

“Yes... Can you fucking believe that?  She took in someone else's child and loved them, and then she turns around and abandons her own kids…” The last few words come out as a choked sort of sob.

 

Danny pauses, weighing his words carefully. “Maybe she has more of a capacity to care than you thought. I mean, you’ve wondered if her supposed feelings toward her family were real… If she really did what Wo fat says she did, it doesn’t sound like the actions of someone who isn’t capable of loving other people."

 

“Danny… I can’t believe you’re defending her.” Steve says with some surprise and agitation.

 

“I’m not defending her… But I have no earthly clue what goes on in Doris’ head – honestly, none. I’m just saying, there are different ways to spin it, and you don’t _have_ to think the worst.”

 

“Do you want her back in my life?”

 

“I want what you want, babe - whatever that is – nothing else.”

 

Danny can hardly believe he finds himself in this position – almost defending Doris. But he’s thinking about Matty. Matty, who was always a bit of a screw-up. Who could never quite live up to the expectations that other people had for him; he knows that Matty always had a hard time living in Danny’s shadow. And Danny could be frustrated with Matty sometimes – hell, he was still furious with his brother for making the stupid, fucking choices that ended up getting him killed - but nothing pissed Danny off more than hearing other people criticize his baby brother. Because, Matty may have been a screw-up, but he was Danny’s screw-up, and fuck anybody else who thought they had something to say on the matter.

 

At the funeral, he overheard a few insensitive comments about Matt – about how he had never lived up to his potential - and Danny was livid about it. They all knew Matty’s weaknesses, but when it came down to it, blood was blood, and nothing makes a family close ranks faster than an outside attack.

 

Steve had been through it all with Danny: four years ago when Matty steamrolled onto the island and then disappeared into the night sky; and just recently, when he had gotten himself killed. And not once had Steve said an unkind word about Matty, for which Danny was endlessly thankful. Yes, Steve had gently pointed out that Matt’s choices were his own and Danny wasn’t to blame for them, but never had he made a critical remark about his brother. Danny didn’t know what he would have done if Steve had, but he knows he would have resented it, and resentment has a way of festering into something much worse.  Regardless of how he feels about Doris, he will never attack her and put Steve in a position of feeling like he has to choose between the two of them.  He's said it before - he loves Steve enough to tolerate Doris if that's what Steve wants. 

 

Steve has been silent for a while, so Danny continues on.

 

“Look, Steve. I am on your side here – 100% - always – you know that. I’m just trying to make sure you consider all possibilities… all the angles. Once you barricade a door, it’s hard to open it back up... and you never know, you might want to open it sometime.”

 

“I won’t. I don’t ever want to see her again.” Steve says with steel in his voice.

 

“Yes you do, babe," Danny says gently.  "You do… if for no other reason than to look her in the eye and ask her the questions you’ve wanted answers to for so long.”

 

“Sometimes I hate it that you know me so well.”

 

“Look – I just know it’s not that easy, OK? I mean – she’s your mother - _your mother_. You only have one of those, and good or bad, we are connected to our parents forever, sometimes in ways we don’t want to be, or can’t even understand.”

 

There are long moments of silence as Steve processes some more. Eventually Danny hears a deep sigh and then a quiet, “Yeah.”

 

They fall quiet again, and Danny reaches into the ice bucket and pulls out a couple more beers and opens them, handing one to Steve. The silence is pointed, and Danny waits, because he knows there’s more coming. It’s a full twenty minutes later before Steve speaks again.

 

“He loved her, Danny. That bastard loved my mother more than I did.” There is such intense sorrow in Steve’s words, that Danny stands up, grabs Steve and pulls him into a tight embrace.

 

“I’m sorry, babe. I know how messed-up this is for you. I’m sorry.”

 

Steve squeezes Danny tightly and sighs deeply, tears slowly trickling down his face. “He called me his brother.”

 

Danny huffs against Steve’s shoulder. “I bet that went over well. What did you say?”

 

“I shot him in the head.”

 

That catches Danny off-guard and a laugh erupts from him before he can stop it. It doesn’t take long before they are both laughing… uncontrollably. Danny knows this isn’t funny – none of it is funny – it’s all an enormous fucking tragedy, actually, and their laughter is so, so inappropriate. But it’s what they need right now, after everything they've both been through in the last couple of months, so they collapse back into their chairs and continue on. When one of them starts to gain control, a quick glance at the other is enough to start them both off, and they cycle through like that again. (Steve's face is red, and his veins are popping, and Christ!...is there anything sexier in the universe?)

 

Danny can’t help himself, and between fits of laughter he manages to squeeze out, “I think… I think we should consider the possibility that the two of us need to work on our people-skills.” Which sends Steve into another round of hysterical laughter and Danny follows suit.

 

Finally, when he calms himself a bit, Steve manages, “God, I love you so much!”

 

“Yeah, I love you, too. Come ‘ere would ya?” Danny says as he pulls Steve over to himself. Steve kneels between Danny's legs, and Danny pulls him into another embrace, then affectionately kisses the top of his head.

 

When Steve eventually looks up, Danny can see his grief is still written all over his face and it breaks Danny’s heart all over again. “What now? What do I do?” Steve asks, sounding a little lost.

 

“What now? Now, nothin’. We keep moving forward. We survived another round and we stand up and get back into the ring. What else are we gonna do? Doris is who she is – you can’t change that – and you definitely don’t have to let that define you. You are fucking amazing in so many ways, and all of that is despite the shit she’s put you through – and probably, at least partly – because of it. So now, we go to bed, sleep, get up tomorrow and go to work. And if nothing else, at least we know there’s one less evil son-of-a-bitch out there to worry about.”

 

Steve smiles. It sounds so easy when Danny says it, and with Danny here beside him. And for the moment, at least, he does really believe that it is just that simple.

 

“What?” Danny asks, unable to stop grinning himself when he sees the smile on Steve's face.

 

“Nothing. That sounds like a good plan, Danno. Come on... Let’s go to bed.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always - I'd love to hear your thoughts!


End file.
